


Reap What You Sow

by literally_no_idea



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Aftercare, BDSM, Belts, Coping, Corporal Punishment, Dom/sub, Don't copy to another site, F/M, Hallucinations, M/M, Masochism, Multi, Other, Paddling, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Punishment, Self-Harm, Spanking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 09:08:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18753319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literally_no_idea/pseuds/literally_no_idea
Summary: It had started when Tony was at MIT; he would mess up an assignment or a project, and shame and guilt would eat away at him until he did something about it.(Explicit rating is just in case? Idk.)





	Reap What You Sow

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this isn't really a happy fic? And it just kinda. Is what it is. Just based off of a dream I had and yes, I'm aware of how ridiculous that sounds, and yes, I'm aware that this is making this story sound way shittier than I think it actually turned out so. Just give it a shot if you wanna, and if you don't, you don't have to. Yeah. Enjoy?

It had started when Tony was at MIT; he would mess up an assignment or a project, and shame and guilt would eat away at him until he did something about it, until he found a way to punish himself for his failure.

 

Sometimes it was cutting or burning himself on purpose, sometimes it was picking fist fights with people he could never beat, sometimes it was having sex he knew wasn’t safe, whoring himself out for free.

 

Whatever the method, Tony would find a way to hurt himself, and the guilt and shame would fade, and he’d be able to move on again, focus on his school work and other projects again. Then Rhodey caught him with cuts on his wrist that were a little too neat to be anything but intentional, and Rhodey had proposed a new solution: let Rhodey hurt him, let Rhodey decide the punishments and give them, so at least this way there was a little more safety and control to it.

 

Tony had agreed, and they had figured it out together, before either one of them had heard of the terms “BDSM,” “masochism,” or “dominance/submission.” When they’d found those terms later in life, they’d done more research, and made this part of their relationship a little safer. And when Tony felt he’d done something wrong, he’d go to Rhodey, and Rhodey would help.

 

Then Rhodey went off to serve in the Air Force, and without Rhodey’s punishments Tony started to look for more reckless ways to get the pain he needed, to get the feeling of absolution he needed. Then Tony met Pepper, and he fell in love with her, and he realized he was in love with her, and Pepper was concerned about Tony’s behavior and he needed to do something.

 

So he tried to stop punishing himself, tried to be less reckless so he wouldn’t worry Pepper, and when the shame and guilt became too much to bear, he told Pepper the truth, explained what was wrong, fully expecting her to leave. Instead, she told him to give her a couple of weeks to research, and they could talk about it.

 

A few weeks later, Tony had another dominant, and another safe release for all of his pent up emotions.

 

So after Ultron, Tony has more shame and guilt than he knows what to do with, and he goes to Pepper, doesn’t even have time to open his mouth to ask for what he needs when Pepper tells him to go to their bedroom, strip down to his boxers, and kneel by the foot of the bed.

 

Tony nods, mumbles a “Yes, ma’am,” and heads to the bedroom. Pepper gives him a few minutes before she follows, comes into the bedroom and finds Tony exactly where she’d told him to be, head bowed and hands resting on his thighs, palms up.

 

“Good,” Pepper says as she enters the room, and Tony shivers. “Why are you being punished?”

 

“For lying to my team. For working with something dangerous without thinking it through and hurting people as a result. For thinking I was above other people and too smart to fail.”

 

“And for putting yourself at risk in the process,” Pepper adds. “That’s four reasons. 50 strikes for each one, a different implement for each one. Would you like to know what I’m going to use?”

 

Tony shakes his head. “No ma’am.”

 

“Okay. On the bed, elbows and knees. Make sure you’re comfortable, you’re going to be here for a while.”

 

Tony stands, gets into position, and then settles, taking deep breaths. Pepper goes over to their closet, picks out what she’s going to use today: a sturdy leather belt, a wooden paddle, a hairbrush. She sets them at the foot of the bed, out of Tony’s view, and places her hand on the small of Tony’s back.

 

“The first set of fifty is for lying to your team. I want you to count, okay?” Tony nods, and Pepper starts, using her hand and alternating between Tony’s left and right cheek.

 

“One, ma’am. Two, ma’am.”

 

Tony counts all fifty, and by the time they’re done with the set, Tony is sniffling, voice wavering a little.

 

“Remind me what that set was for, Tony.”

 

“For lying to my team,” Tony says quietly, and Pepper rubs Tony’s back soothingly.

 

“That’s right. And you’ve finished that punishment. You’re forgiven, Tony.”

 

Pepper can hear Tony sniffling, knows that he’s starting to cry, because he always gets overwhelmed when he’s been forgiven for something. She gives him a minute, then picks up the leather belt.

 

“The second set of fifty is for hurting other people because of your actions. I want you to count again.”

 

Pepper goes a little slower this time, builds up the intensity of the hits, and by the time they reach fifty, Tony is whimpering with each strike, still counting even though he’s clearly crying. The whimpering is because of the belt, but Pepper knows that the crying is more because of Tony’s guilt for hurting people than it is the pain of the belt.

 

When the set is finished, Pepper puts the belt down, walks over so she can see Tony’s face, and wipes away some of his tears. “Can you remind me what that set was for?”

 

“For hurting other people because I didn’t think about what I was doing,” Tony says, avoiding meeting Pepper’s eyes. She nods.

 

“That’s right. You’ve had your punishment, and you’re forgiven now, Tony. Even you can’t predict every outcome. You’re forgiven.”

 

Tony starts sobbing, and Pepper climbs onto the bed, holds him and pets his hair. Just because Tony needs the punishment doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, and Pepper knows how much Tony cares about other people, knows how much he holds himself responsible for things that aren’t in his control. He needs a minute, and Pepper is willing to give him that.

 

When Tony’s calmed down a bit, Pepper stands back up, walks back to the foot of the bed and picks up the paddle. “The third set is for assuming you’re too smart to fail. You don’t need to count this set, okay?”

 

Tony nods, and Pepper starts the set. By the end, Tony is crying out, not quite screaming but definitely being loud. He’s repeating “I’m sorry” over and over, and when the set is finished, Pepper sets the paddle down, rests a hand lightly on Tony’s back.

 

“What was that set for?”

 

“For thinking I’m good,” Tony mumbles, and Pepper frowns.

 

“No, Tony. It’s for thinking you’re too smart to fail. For thinking you have to be perfect. You’re human, Tony. You make mistakes. And that’s okay. You’re allowed to make mistakes.”

 

Tony shakes his head. “Should be better.”

 

“You’re good just as you are, Tony. You don’t need to be any better, you’re already so good. You make mistakes, and the fact that you’re here means that you’re trying to correct them. You’re forgiven, Tony.”

 

Tony shivers, nods after a long moment. Pepper picks up the hairbrush. “Only one more set. This is for putting yourself at risk. You don’t need to count.”

 

This set hurts more than the rest, and Tony cries and screams, repeats “sorry” and “please” until Pepper’s not sure whether he’s begging for it to stop or for her to keep going. When the set is over, Pepper puts the brush aside, moves back up to Tony’s face, sits on the bed and cups his cheek with her hand.

 

“Do you remember what that set was for?”

 

“For… for risking myself,” Tony chokes out between sobs, and Pepper nods.

 

“That’s right, that’s perfect. And you did your punishment. You’re forgiven. We’re all done.”

 

Tony moves for the first time since they started the punishment, and he curls up in a ball in Pepper’s lap, sobbing. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, thank you, I’m sorry,” he repeats, clinging to Pepper’s shirt, and she wraps her arms around him, pets his hair and holds him close.

 

“It’s okay, you did so good, you’re so good,” Pepper tells him. They stay like that for a long while, until Tony starts to shiver in the cold. “Tony, can I tuck you under the covers so you don’t get cold?” Pepper asks, and Tony nods, so Pepper pulls down the covers, tucks them both into bed, Tony still wrapped up in her arms, and she kisses his forehead.

 

“You did so good, Tony, so good. Sleep, okay?”

 

Tony nods, and he’s out in a matter of minutes. Pepper waits a little before getting out of bed, heading to the kitchen to make food for when Tony wakes up. She’s just finishing up some spaghetti when JARVIS gets her attention.

 

“Ms. Potts, Bos appears to be stirring, and is hallucinating,” FRIDAY says, and Pepper swears under her breath.

 

“Thanks, FRIDAY, I’m on my way,” she says, turning off the burners on the stove and heading up to the bedroom, where Tony is sitting up in bed, talking to the air near the foot of the bed.

 

“I’m sorry, sir, I won’t do it again,” Tony promises the air, and Pepper comes into the room, sits down beside Tony on the bed.

 

“Hey, how are you doing?” Pepper asks, and Tony turns to look at her.

 

“Good. Dad only does it because he’s trying to help me,” Tony says, and Pepper smiles at him.

 

“I know. You’re doing great on your own, too,” she says, putting an arm around Tony’s shoulders.

 

“Thanks, mom,” Tony says.

 

This happens a lot; Tony finishes punishments and starts to hallucinate, thinks he’s back with his parents and the punishment was from his dad. That’s probably why Tony feels he needs punishment in the first place, and while both Rhodey and Pepper had been worried about this at first, they eventually realized that no matter the cause, it helps settle Tony, and other than bringing up old memories, it does seem to make Tony feel better.

 

Pepper had gotten JARVIS’s help to confirm that what they were doing wasn’t going to hurt Tony even more, and after that, she’d just accepted that this was something Tony needed.

 

She’s still sitting with Tony as he hallucinates when FRIDAY talks to her again.

 

“Ms. Potts, I regret to inform you that the Avengers team appears to be on their way to you. Captain Rogers threatened to break into the building if I did not grant him access to your location.”

 

Pepper nods. “That’s not your fault. Thank you, I’ll go talk to them.”

 

Pepper’s barely closed the bedroom door behind her when Steve, Thor, Clint, and Natasha come walking towards her.

 

“Ms. Potts,” Steve greets, though his voice is tight, terse. “We’re here to talk to Stark.”

 

“Now isn’t a good time,” Pepper says calmly, and Steve frowns.

 

“Ma’am, his decisions almost killed hundreds of people, we need to talk to him.”

 

“Be that as it may, you need to wait.”

 

Steve opens his mouth to say something, but Tony whimpers from in the bedroom, and Steve frowns.

 

“Is he okay? Is he injured?” he asks, pushing past Pepper and opening the bedroom door before she can stop him.

 

Tony is now curled up in a ball with his back against the headboard, eyes wide with fear. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he repeats, and Pepper follows Steve, sees him hesitate.

 

“What’s wrong with him?” Steve asks, turning back to Pepper.

 

“He’s hallucinating. It happens. It’ll pass. For now, he needs space. So can we talk about this somewhere else? FRIDAY will make sure he’s safe, right Fri?”

 

“Always, Ms. Potts,” FRIDAY answers, and Pepper leads Steve and the others out of the room, down to the kitchen so she can finish up the spaghetti she was working on earlier.

 

“Go ahead and ask, let’s get this over with,” Pepper says as she puts all of the food away, everyone else standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

 

“Why is he hallucinating?” Steve asks.

 

“He’s thinking about Howard. This happens a lot.” Pepper puts the spaghetti in a tupperware container, putting a small portion of it in a bowl.

 

Clint frowns. “He sounded hurt, was it from the battle?”

 

“Yes, he’s hurt, no, it’s not from the battle.” Pepper puts the sauce in a separate tupperware container, adds some sauce to the bowl of spaghetti she’d set aside.

 

Natasha’s eyes narrow. “You’re the one that hurt him.”

 

“Yes.” Pepper puts both containers in the fridge, turns to work on cleaning the dishes.

 

Thor looks mortified. “Why would you hurt him?”

 

Pepper glares at him. “Because he’s tired, he’s stressed, he feels bad and guilty for what he did, and he doesn’t cope with his emotions well. This helps him. And for once in his goddamn life, he deserves people trying to help him, even if that means hurting him. Any other questions?”

 

When no one says anything, Pepper washes her hands, dries them on a towel, and grabs the plate of spaghetti she’d set aside, getting a fork too. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to go stay with Tony, make sure he’s okay, and bring him some food.” 

 

She leaves Steve and the others standing in the doorway in confusion, watching her go.

**Author's Note:**

> Yell at me on tumblr [ @mbarku](https://mbarku.tumblr.com/)


End file.
